Couples Therapy Podcast – It Takes Two S1E1 – Abuse of Absolutes

Summary (AI generated)

Introduction: Welcome to “It Takes Two,” a candid podcast-style blog where we, Charles and Clarissa, delve into the intricacies of relationships, mental health, and the peculiarities of American culture. Today, we’re exploring why couples often use exaggerated language during conflicts and throughout their relationships.

Understanding Exaggerated Language in Conflicts: Have you ever wondered why statements like “You never take out the trash!” or “You always ignore the dishes!” are so common in arguments? These absolutes, as we call them, are a form of exaggeration used to make a point heard. But why do we feel the need to exaggerate?

Covert Male Depression: A fascinating concept we came across is “covert male depression.” It suggests that men, over time, lose touch with their emotions and core selves, often masking their depression with work, success, or other distractions. This loss of emotional connection can significantly impact relationships.

The Role of Absolutes: Absolutes like “always” and “never” are more than linguistic tools; they reflect underlying emotions and unaddressed issues. Couples often get caught up in the content of an argument (like the trash) rather than addressing the underlying emotional process.

Scorekeeping and Stonewalling: Common responses to exaggerated statements include scorekeeping, where partners keep a tally of wrongdoings, and stonewalling, where one partner withdraws from the conversation. Both approaches are counterproductive, leading to further misunderstanding and resentment.

Effective Communication Strategies: Instead of responding with absolutes or defensiveness, acknowledging the underlying emotions can lead to more constructive conversations. For instance, expressing feelings of overwhelm or stress directly can prevent escalation and promote understanding.

Couples Therapy Insights: Couples therapy often helps partners recognize and correct their use of absolutes. By creating a space where both partners feel validated, therapy encourages more honest and self-reflective communication.

Conclusion: Our discussion today sheds light on the importance of understanding and addressing the underlying emotions in a relationship. Recognizing and validating these emotions, rather than getting caught up in absolutes and defensiveness, can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Date Idea: Engage in spring cleaning together and take time to reminisce over old photos or journals. Reflecting on positive memories can strengthen your bond and create a deeper connection.

Question for Connection: Ask each other, “What is one positive change you’ve made since we’ve been together?” This question encourages reflection on personal growth and mutual appreciation.

Remember, it takes two to make a relationship work. For things to get better for both of you, embrace honest and empathetic communication.